The Great Chocolate Caper

During the past couple of months I have purchased a number of decidely sub standard chocolate bars, which I find quite apalling the amount of money the manufacturers make. So as I blatantly have an awful lot of free time on my hands, my mind tends to need some stimulation, a few days ago I decided to see what freebies I could obtain from the perpetrators of such hideous crimes.

Below are three letters I sent first class recorded mail to the offenders, now I'm merely suggesting anyone else who feels aggrieved with the poor quality of their purchase should send a copy off in complaint and wait for the free goodies to drop through the letterbox. I'll keep you posted with the progress.

I bet It's a laugh a minute working in the complaints department of Cadbury's, the amount of humourous letters they receive. Always try and leave a funny ending tag, like 'yours hungrily', they'll probably take pity on you and send some free vouchers.

N.B Please feel free to copy and paste any template you wish and post your results on the comments page.

FAO: Todd Stitzer
Cadbury Trebor Bassett
PO Box 12,
Bournville
Birmingham
B30 2LU

Dear Mr Stitzer,


As a regular purchaser of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk in the UK, and with many friends who live in various parts of Europe and the rest of the world, I have wondered why the popularity of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk is not on the same scale as it is here in the UK. The choice of chocolate for many of them is either Galaxy or Milka, and I seem to be the only one fighting the Cadbury corner. However, on a recent journey to the Czech Republic, I discovered why Cadbury’s chocolate is as popular as Bernard Manning. Similarly to the foul mouth comedian, the chocolate I purchased was nothing short of a bad joke, leaving a bitter taste in one’s mouth.

When on holiday or on business trips, I don’t normally eat chocolate, or choose to eat local chocolate. However, due to my experience of cuisine in the Czech Republic being quite poor, I chose to purchase a bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk in a local store, to regain some kind of home comfort. As you can visibly see by the enclosed bar, the texture is similar to cooking chocolate, and it tastes similar too. I was under the impression that Cadbury’s chocolate would taste the same, or virtually the same worldwide, although it seems I have been mistaken.

I would like to inform Cadbury’s that their brand name in countries other than the UK and probably Ireland is seen as a (bad) joke, and is ruining their brand image. Also, I feel Cadbury’s is making a very poor attempt at representing British chocolate and contributing to the negative attitude the rest of the world has on British cuisine.

If Cadbury’s are attempting to break into new markets then I suggest some other kind of market manipulation. Introducing Curly Wurly’s, that are caramel based and from the economy line of Cadbury’s would be a suggestion, if the same standard of chocolate were to remain the same in countries other than the UK.

It would be appreciated if you could respond to my comments at your earliest convenience.


Yours Hungrily,



King Tuts

Nestle Consumer Services
PO Box No 203
York
YO91 1XY



To whom it may concern,


I recently purchased a bar of Aero (enclosed) only to find a small stone was embedded in the chocolate bar. The evidence of this is visible in the wrapping paper. I have unfortunately since misplaced the stone, although the evidence of poor manufacturing is evident by viewing the remainder of the chocolate bar.

As a regular purchaser of Aero chocolate, I find this totally unacceptable, and although I feel as though I am unfortunate for finding this, I am glad a small child did not attempt to consume the chocolate bar, and the consequences that may have arisen from such an event.

It would be appreciated if you could reply at your earliest convenience, stating what you intend to do to resolve this matter.



Your Disheartened Chocolate Muncher,




King Tuts

Masterfoods
Melton Mobray
Leicestershire
LE13 0BR



To who it may concern,


I recently purchased a multipack of Twix (enclosed) only to find several manufacturing faults with the chocolate bars. The evidence of this is visible with the enclosed package. I have unfortunately eaten some of the bars before discovering the manufacturing fault with the remainder of the multipack, although I feel the manufacture and packaging of your products should be more closely monitored to retain product freshness, and to eliminate all possibilities of food poisoning due to stale or inedible products.

As a regular purchaser of Masterfood chocolate, I find this totally unacceptable, and although I feel as though I am unfortunate for finding this, I feel the obvious lack of care and attention could have resulted in a more serious consequence, such as manufacturing parts entering the product, as it seems this may have been a possibility in this or other batches.

It would be appreciated if you could reply at your earliest convenience, stating what you intend to do to resolve this matter.


Yours Faithfully,


King Tuts